Choices
by SlytherinMalfoySnape
Summary: Occurs after ‘Cheated Hearts’. Aslan’s advice to Susan dilemma. A look at the two roads: self-indulgence and self-denial. What will Susan choose to do? Italics are thoughts. Warning: Adult themes, incest and sexual references. More inside.


**Disclaimer: The characters belong to C.S Lewis. The plot is mine.**

_**Choices**_

**Summary: **Occurs after 'Cheated Hearts'. Aslan's advice to Susan dilemma. A look at the two roads: self-indulgence and self-denial. What will Susan choose to do? Italics are thoughts. **Warning: Adult themes, incest and sexual references. PeterSusan. Spoilers for Prince Caspian.  
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**Author's Note: **Been a while since I've touched this fandom. This is the conclusion of the quartet – you can read this as a standalone but the order the events happen in are _Surrendering_, _Always_, _Cheated Hearts _then _Choices_. I have tried to use this series to discuss incest whatever people may think about it. To explore the notion of a secret, perhaps even hated, romance. Thanks for taking the time to read it, even if you don't agree.

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Susan had told him to release her and he did. Peter did not want to hurt her. He was afraid of hurting her. He didn't know what to do about his feelings anymore. So he did nothing. When Susan wanted to stop avoiding him, she couldn't because it seemed now Peter was avoiding her. Both siblings put up a front for their younger counterparts – it wasn't even enough to fool them. It was like a crumbling wall, being weathered away by the daily elements. She knew that Lucy suspected something but Susan had yet to be confronted about it.

Sometimes, Susan pretended to sleep. She would lie awake at night, doubting herself. She wondered if this was living at all but yet she was still breathing, still awake and her heart still pounding. She could almost swear by Aslan that after long days running the kingdom, she could feel Peter's presence at night. His scent in her room. When she woke, she could almost feel as if he'd been watching over her. She laughed at herself for such sentimental thoughts. She rarely saw him these days. They sat next to each other in the throne room but it was as if they now lived in separate worlds trying to distance themselves from the thing they wanted most, yet could destroy them. Susan knew that a relationship between them would be inappropriate. Even in Narnia. Yes, here they were away from the eyes from the world and no one might care but she'd know and that was enough to deter her. She couldn't compromise Peter like that because she also knew that someday, however far from now it may seem they would have to return to the real world. Peter was a sweet boy. Susan knew her brother. If she let him love her, let herself love him, he would never be able to love another. Her heart knew that their relationship would never be forever. So if they promised it, it would be a lie. A lie that she would be bound to. An inescapable fact.

The gentle queen had taken to early morning walks. She told herself it was because she liked seeing the morning, though she knew a small part of herself did it because she hoped to could catch a stronger sense of Peter that lingered. Some proof that it isn't only in her mind. Or perhaps just to see him sparring with Edmund somehow. This morning she was standing on the balcony, awaiting the rising of the sun. _The _balcony. She was so lost in her thoughts that she did not her soft footsteps behind her.

"Daughter of Eve."

Susan started. "Aslan!?" surprise filtering through her tender whisper.

"You are troubled by many things of the mind and of the heart." The lion closed his eyes thoughtfully, speaking in his deep comforting voice. "You seek answers to the questions about your feelings."

"How did you-? Why?" Susan's eyes widened in shock. How did he know about it? Why did he come?

"I came because you called me. You asked me to help you," Aslan replied simply. "You feel guilty about your thoughts. Despite what happened, you feel like you still want _him_ in your life. You feel like you can't let go, dearheart. Am I correct?"

She opened her mouth to deny it but she knew that it would be pointless. Aslan knew all about it anyway so she nodded miserably, not trusting herself to say the right thing. Susan could feel her cheeks burning with shame.

"It is alright to ask for help, my child. We all stray from the narrow path of goodness. Look at me, Daughter of Eve. Tell me your name."

"I'm Susan," she said, confused.

"You are indeed. But you are not just Susan. You are Queen Susan the Gentle. You are also Susan Pevensie, formerly of Finchley," Aslan reminded Susan. "It is a world you have left behind…which you will one day return to when the time is right."

Susan felt her heart clench at she heard those words. Her very thoughts confirmed.

"What should I do to fix all of this?" Susan asked helplessly.

"That I cannot answer for you. I can show you the two paths that you can take but I cannot tell you which one to take, or which one is right because you and only will be able to walk down the road chosen."

Susan bristled. Aslan was wise but he was always so vague. She didn't care that it was childish but she wanted to know the right choice and she wanted to know it right now. "Then how will I know I'm going the right way? How do I know which one is right if you don't tell me? Do _you_ even know that? Why do I have to make a choice? Can't I just wish it all away? Don't you have a magic cure? Something?" Susan's frustrations about her situation all came tumbling out.

"Daughter of Eve, you doubt so many things. You doubt me and you doubt yourself. Believe me when I say that you will know what is right. I believe that you already know. Otherwise you would not have called me," Aslan said lightly in his wise way. "Some of those questions you can answer yourself. If you could wish it all away, it would have been gone already. Magic only goes so far as to help. It cannot sustain, not unless you want to make everything that was once you something false. That kind of thinking can be dangerous, for Jadis, it lead down a path deviating from all that was good. She turned bitter because she could not have what she wanted and that consumed her."

"I'm sorry," she apologised sincerely, she did not want to turn out like Jadis. She was embarrassed at having acted like a child and not at all like a gentle queen.

Aslan rubbed Susan with his nose comfortingly. "It's alright Susan. Knowing you are fallible does not make you any less of a Queen, it makes you a greater one. Come with me and I will show you."

The instant Susan agreed, they were transported into the middle of nowhere. It seemed like she was in a dream except she felt very aware of everything. She was standing in front of a pool of water that was framed with silver. Rubies were set into the edge of the pool and it was magnificent. This was all surrounded by a white glow. She could see nothing else. There was no sense of distance or space, it seemed that the place just stretched on with the pool being the only identifiable object. Aslan the lion was not with her but he was speaking to her. "Listen to me, Queen Susan. I am still here. Do not be afraid. What I am about to show you is neither the past nor any even in the present. It is what could come to pass. It is not the future, not the way you will know it as it is ever-changing. It is merely a representation of the consequences of your choices." The deep voice reverberated around the whiteness.

"Wait! Aslan! What if I choose wrong? Can I go back?" Susan said loudly, hoping Aslan could hear her.

"Have faith, young one. Everything will be fine," Aslan's voice reassured her.

Then Susan saw the waters churning. The once clear water was now cloudy and swirling slowly towards the centre. It made Susan felt dizzy but she could not look away. Though she wanted to resist, she felt herself being spellbound. The water rippled in a hypnotic spiral, churning to reveal impossible depths. Slowly, she fell into the whirlpool, letting the currents slowly carry her away.

**To be continued...**


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